I have a confession to make: I skyjumped 61 stories high weeks ago and I was not one bit scared.

I’m not being all cool and boastful of not being jittery in anticipation of the jump; in fact, it really truly bothered me, hence this blog post. That fact that I was not scared, scares me. I could speak and walk pre-jump as if what I was going to do was nothing more than a stroll in the park. I couldn’t feel the adrenalin pumping through my system. Nothing. I waited until I was standing on the edge; I looked down the great height. Nothing.

why am I all bothered with this? Again, a confession: I think i’m getting too apathetic to my liking. I don’t like that one bit. I think it was okay before, just being laid-back with everything but it’s starting to transform into apathy and indifference. I feign concern and excitement; I just couldn’t fool myself well enough it just depresses me.

I’m just thankful for my self-awareness. I just pray that I still continue care to be self-aware and to undo this in me before I brush all this off as being to serious with life. I need to find a change. In perspective, in my daily habit.

Another confession: I believe I can already let go of the pain from the previous months’ dramas but I am still holding on to it… I’d rather the pain than indifference.

*groan* I think I really am in deep ruins.

I know, I know… no one’s really stopping me in turning it back to genuine concern and love… but I’m not yet ready for it yet. So I just keep holding on to any emotions even if its just hurt for now.