What a lazy rainy Monday. I’m so tempted to go out and splurge on shopping but what would it bring? Temporary happiness? Ayown! Haha Excuse ng nagtitipid.

So here I am, just stayed at home. Thinking. Pondering. Feeding on my internet addiction.

Been trying to go back through my earliest memories. Just relaxed recalling of nothing specific. I’m still unsure if I’m truly surprised that those random memories that were easily recalled are not of specific important events like birthdays or Christmases. Nor was it of getting hold of material things. Nor any of my firsts – first crush, first love, first kiss. Nor where they any specific successes.

I remembered the relaxed carefree feeling lounging, swinging on a big rattan duyan one summer afternoon when I was barely 6. I remember sucking on the sweet nectar of santan flowers and connecting them to form a necklace or a bracelet with my sister and cousin.

I remember playing under the rain with my sister and brother back in our home in Cubao.

I remember finding myself being so aware of the presence of my pre-teen crush when I suddenly realized that he came in the room where I was hanging out and that we were alone; it was pure unadulterated unspoken attraction.

I remembered breaking someone’s heart. And seeing the tears fall. From then on, I resolved to respect someone else’s heart; from then on, I resolved to always, always love true.

I remembered singing, dancing before and after our drills during taekwondo class – “That Thing You Do” and pretend-playing the guitar on the kickpad. I remembered  silly dancing the same song with cousins on a hanging bridge.

I remember his hand beside mine – seemingly unsure if he should reach out to hold my hand; I was unsure too if I should move it out of his reach. I remember the sound of the him playing the keyboards over the phone.

I remember dancing the swing with my biggest cousin. Just outside their house during sundown… I missed you Kuya.

I remember a written poem. And a puzzle mentioned over the phone that I was asked to solve – which I did in less than an hour, and it made my heart soar.

I remember holding hands under a jacket while pretending to watch a film in class. I couldn’t even recall what we were watching about, all I remember was this warm hand in mine.

I remember being squeezed-in tightly with friends at the backseat of Mamasan’s car. I don’t remember much of where we’ve been, what class we’ll be going to, or much of the conversations. What I remember is that I loved the feeling just being with them.

I remember being driven from the gym to one of the buildings in school one rainy afternoon… and an Eminem song playing on the radio.

I remember during my recent trip with friends to HK and Macau, not much of the places we’ve been too nor the rides at Disneyland… What I found that I loved during that trip was a few cans of beer and a bag of street food shared with 2 of my roomies after a day at HK Disneyland.

The things that struck me the most seem to be the simplest of things they’re not wealth, fame, career, travel, success. It’s just me, family, friends, and love. Sometimes I find myself too lost seeking out a specific destination where everything I truly need are already in the smallest of my everyday journey.

Where I want to be is where I am.