It has just been 2 years back that I found myself having to endure the hurt and pain from the harshness of life. It was unbelievably, undeniably painful but I have to endure it. I have to stay put and face reality. I have to stop myself from causing more pain and then run away from it. Because I knew, I can never really run away from the hurt; it will eventually catch up with me or it will continue to lurk in my innermost being and destroy me from within. I have to face it, to endure it, accept it, learn from it, and tame it. I knew I do have the choice to take the seemingly easy way out – to run away from it all, but I didn’t – I couldn’t. I’ve read about it, watched it in a favorite tv series or movie, listened to a story about a friend of friend of a friend – mistakes made in lieu of another mistake. I didn’t want that so I stayed with my family. After that months of fiasco, thank God!, He blessed me with months of overwhelming happiness and contentment outside my home.

Then it came back in another form. It was like someone pulled the happiness and contentment rug from my sure-footed stance. Read rest of story…

1 hour to go… office is over.
1 day to go… she’ll be far, far away again.
4 days to go… Mommy will be here!
11 days to go… my sister’s wedding!
16 days to go… Mommy will be back to US.
22 days to go… sister, hubby, and my favorite pamangkins will be off to the US.
30 days to go… HK vacation with friends.

Many things to make me sad. Many things to be happy with.

Let us dwell on the happiness, shall we?

Friends do keep on asking, “Kamusta ka? (How are you?)”

“Tao pa din. Dati kasi, diyosa ako.”

Hehe

The pain is still there. I’m just handling it a little better each day.

*starts singing* I’ll get by with a little help from my friends!

I’ve got a couple of drafts pending but couldn’t continue writing just because I couldn’t understand my self any better. Booo… O well, you couldn’t force a genuis to blog. Haha

Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you.
Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:6-7

Hayy… I hope someone wouldn’t settle with “di ko alam” o “ganyan lang talaga”… How could one fix one’s self if one doesn’t understand what’s ruined or not ruined? How can you grow to be a better person or appreciate yourself if you won’t seek to understand?

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = strawberry juice
2. last phone call = lexie
3. last text message = jme
4. last song you listened to = the script – talk you down
5. last time you cried = last night

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = yes
7. been cheated on = yes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = yes!
9. lost someone special = yes
10. been depressed = yes
11. been drunk and threw up = yes!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red
13. green
14. white

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = yes
16. Fallen out of love = not yet
17. Laughed until you cried = hmm… not yet
18. Met someone who changed you = you changed my life in a moment! wala po…
19. Found out who your true friends were = yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you = yes
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend’s list = hmm. beso! yes!

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life = almost all
24. Do you have any pets = yes
25. Do you want to change your name = nope
26. What did you do for your last birthday = went with Annika to sit-in a class. heard mass and stayed at home.
27. What time did you wake up today = 8AM na siguro
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = moved on
30. Last time you saw your Mother = this morning
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = hmm… nothing. no regrets.
32. What are you listening to right now = seether – careless whisper
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = nope
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now = stupidity
35. Most visited webpage = fb
37. Nicknames = kelay, kelly, kel, kels
38. Relationship Status = single
39. Zodiac sign = aquarius
40. He or She = neither
41. Elementary = spcp
42. Middle School = ”
43. High school/College = spcp/ateneo
44. Hair colour = black
45. Long or short = short
46. Height = 5′3
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = yes
48. What do you like about yourself? = predictably irrational
49. Piercings = yes
50. Tattoos = none
51. Righty or lefty = righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = wala pa namna
53. First piercing = ears, nung baby pa ako
54. First best friend = forgot her name…
55. First sport you joined = patintero he he
56. First vacation = baguio yata.
58. First pair of trainers = trainers?

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = lunch
60. Drinking = strawberry juice
61. I’m about to = work
62. Listening to = careless whisper pa din
63. Waiting for = rationality

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = maybe
65. Get Married? = maybe
66. Career? = still in IT

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = hugs
69. Shorter or taller = taller
70. Older or Younger = older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = arms
73. Sensitive or loud = sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = should i?
77. Drank hard liquor = yes!
78. Lost glasses/contacts = yep
79. Sex on first date = no way! 2nd siguro. )
80. Broken someone’s heart = yes, immature years…
81. Had your own heart broken = yes, thank you very much!
82. Been arrested = er, nope
83. Turned someone down = yes
84. Cried when someone died = yes
85. Fallen for a friend = hmm… not yet.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = sometimes
87. Miracles = have faith in them
88. Love at first sight = er, yes. once, i knew no better to call it but “love”
89. Heaven = of course
90. ? = ?
91. Kiss on the first date = nope
92. Angels = yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf = at one time? nope. more than one bf ever? nope, promise, one lang siya. )
95. Did you sing today = not yet
96. Ever cheated on somebody = does one day count and said never again and didn’t nga? oh, ok, yes.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why = just to the happiest days as far back whenever that is
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be = last year… hmm… december 30, 2008.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love = if too fast and too unsure, yes.
100. Posting this as 100 truths = yes

I love following @jimparedes and @paulocoelho on twitter because they twit the most interesting thoughts in 140 characters. Like the other day, Sir Jim twitted: “If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.”

And with one twit like that, my mind visits his words again and again. It got me thinking about it minute after minute after minute…

If ignorance is kinder and truth is hard to handle, why do we still seek answers? Whether you understand or not, things are just as they are anyway. Would it be much better to not understand? To choose ignorance over understanding? To just accept things as they are twisted as it may seem to your still growing psyche. Read rest of story…